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Added on December 28, 2012

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I usually hide my past for the most part because of how dark it is but it has shaped me into the person I am today. 

Hello everyone, I was born January 18th in 1991, Polson Montana. My name is Brenaly Ann Chisman (Mckinnon). I was legally born mckinnon but I changed my last name...I will explain that later. I have one older brother who was born in 1989. my parents names were Gina and Shannon Mckinnon. I have natural red hair and green eyes.  I have a quirky and dark sense of humor. While growing up I lived in a little town called Marion Montana. It had a population of around 800 ppl when I lived there. We lived in a very beaitiful spot and we owned lake property on a lake that we would spend every summer at. We lived in a garage though converted into a house. I had to share a room with my brother and my parents slept on a pull out bed in the living room. my dad was a raging alcoholic and he spent all of his money on it. If he wasnt working he was drunk by noon, there was never a time when he was sober. Since I have been a little girl I have never seen my parents not beat the crap out of each other. 

Growing up in isolated/boondocks Montana was actually kind of fun. my family owned 4 different dirtbike. We would ride our dirtbike up and down the main street through town and you could throw the biggest rave/party and no one would call the cops. My mom and her friends had some kick ass parties, even though I was like 8 I still knew everything they were doing. I was a smart kid and figured out a lot of shit on my own since my parents lacked sometimes. Mostly my dad. My mom would drink and smoke pot a lot to. She told me she started to because she was bored and really unhappy with my dad. Im not really telling my story right now I am telling random things that happened. 

I was attending a horrible school. I would come home crying a lot because I didnt have any friends and teachers where mean to me. My brother brennon, yes they named us similar =p has a mental disablity and for that I was judged for it as well. People can be so mean! i finally switched schools in the 6th grade after my mom threatened to break a kids fingers if they were mean to me again. The teacher never did anything haha so my mom being a fiesty redhead took matters into her own hands. That is when my life really started to get weird. my parents were fighting more than they ever were. One night when I was 12 years old my parents were fighting and beating the crap out of each other again. This time it was different I noticed they were on the floor doing something weirs. That is when I realized my dad had bit off the tip of my moms tongue. my mom stuck her tongue out at me and dark purple blood was gushing out of it. he bit the whole tip of her tongue off. I rode the whole with her in the ambulance. my dad got thrown into jail for a few days and was charged a fine.....that is it! my mom spent several days in the hospital while my brother and I had to stay in a shelter for troubled teens for a week until my was realsed from the hospital since I had no family close by. The doctors tried to reattach it but it eventually just fell off again and my mom had a shortened tongue.The fucked up part is no one in my family came to see my mom or take her away!  After all fucking that a couple months later my dad move back in with us!!!! I still get mad and angry over it all the time! When I was 13 right before thanksgiving break my mom went out with friends and crashed the car. Nothing ot major bt the front bumper was all cracked and hanging a little. She was drunk when she did it. The next day my mom picked me up from school  saying how angry dad was and she was thinking about leaving. I told her she should because I was scared. When we got home my dad and mom where arguing. my mom was laying on the couch in the living room with my brother at the other end playing video games. I was on the other couch heating up spaghetti in the microwave. My dad came in from outside and started talking shit about my mom. My mom said something back to him and he flipped out! My dad had I swear like 30 guns. We had a gun cabinet behind the couch and my dad kept it unlocked for the most part. he saw my dad reach down for the gun cabinet and we all knew. my brother and I jumped up from the couch screaming and crying while my mom only had time to cover her face. my dad pulled out a 12 gauge and shot her in the face in front of me and my brothe. We ran crying and screaming out of the house. As I was running I was praying to god my dad didnt shoot me in the back as I was the last one out of the house at that time we heard another gun shot go off, he had shot her again. I stood on our front porch and let out the loudest scream. I took of running down the street and realized I still had the fork in my dad from my spaghetti. I threw it into the ditch as I was running. I have never ran so fast in my life! My neighbor that lived up on a hill about 300 yards away told me he heard me scream while mowing his yard. he was already half way down the driveway when we reached there drive way....they were the closest neighbors. When we called the cops they said that they had a woman on the other line who couldnt really talk so we knew my mom was still alive. They flew my mom to Seattle where she died and they brought her back but she was in a coma. Later that night cops showed up and told me that my dad had committied suicide. They brought the swat team and everything and asked me and my brother the lay out of the house and possible hiding spots for my dad. they knew how many guns  he had and was considered a high threat. When they got inside they discovered his body. 

I was in the 8th grade at this time and wanted to finish the school year with my friends. I stayed with my neighbors during that time and boy let me tell you that is when I realized how ugly and evil people are before they are good. Dan and carol were there names. The were extremely religious, everything they talked about was god or god related. But let me tell you what she is a fucking bitch. Ok so the first week I was there she took every single cd and movie i owned!!! Every single one because it was dirty flithy and unholy. I couldnt even watch freaky friday with lindsey lohan because it had rock music ,the music of the devil 666! hello music is what got me through my parents death! She also started making me wear all my shirts twice and my pants for a week before before she would wash them. I had to shower at the local gym most of the time because she didnt want me and my brother showering at the house often. They got all the food from my house and boy let me tell you what, my mom was ready for the end of the world. They got at least 100 pounds or more of food from our house. I also went onto her email to snoop because she was being a bitch. That is when I discovered that she was getting money from my aunt every month to take care of us and ppl were also donating money to them. The reason why she was making us shower and not clean our clothes is because it was expensive. She got to look like a good person for taking children in after there parents passed even though she was horrible! She wouldnt let me hang out or go see my friends unless I was at school. she wouldnt let me attend the school dances or anything that was unholy in her eyes which was fucking everything! She forced me to attend church and learn bible songs on the piano. She made me memorize quotes from the bible before I could go to sleep. Im sorry you dont force religion on ppl period!!! I wanted to learn other songs on the piano and I tried finding songs that werent bad at all like the song name by the goo goo dolls since it was one of my moms favorite, nope she wouldnt let me.She even said that my mom went to hell because she didnt believe in god! Go fuck yourself you self righteous bitch!  I couldnt take it anymore and asked  leave in Febuary of 2005. My uncle came and picked us up and took us to Oregon. My brother went and lived with my uncle while I went and lived with my aunt. She had lost her husband a year earlier and had 3 kids of her own. She took on four kids on her own while we where all teenagers! I had to share a room with my step-sister. At first it was awesome and we were best buds but than she started getting jealous and weird. She was jealous of the attention I was getting and it started causing trouble. Plus I was depressed beyond hell. She started stealing things from me and dressing/liking the same things of me. She has always been jealous of me and still is. 

When I was 15/16 I realized how depressing I was being and that it wasnt going to change anything by being sad all day. Lets just say I slowly started to become the happy quirky person I am today =p I knew my mom would want me to be happy and live my life. When I was 16 I got a new  black 2007 Toyota Tacoma with life insurance money from my parents. I sometimes feel bad that I got a new truck at 16 but now I don't. I started dressing really dark and wearing my make up dark and liking the alternative life style so I completely changed my style and I am so glad I did! During christmas of my senior year (2009) my aunt adopted me and I changed my last name to my moms maiden name (Chisman). 

When I was 17 I started dating a guy named nick. We moved out together right after we graduated. I thought for awhile he was going to be the guy I was going to marry but than he became a self absorbed controling dick. We were together for 3 1/2 years before I broke up to with him to be with my current boyfriend Jason. We have been together now for a year and a half. 

Today I am living in Silverton Oregon happy and healthy. I own 2 cats (Voodoo and little kitten) and a puppy named Dio after Ronnie James Dio. I have been attending school for photography and I plan on making my dream career as a traveling/nature pro photographer happen. I want to travel the world and see things beyond myself and get new experiences! Life is to short! I have never felt like I was really good at something but now I found something I am passionate about and pretty darn good at I think =p 

Im not sure how to end this so......I love tattoos and piercings. My ink is not just ink my body, it is telling my life story. When I was 18 I got angel wings as a memorial to my mom. I am not religious but I am spiritual and I think she is my guardian angel looking down on me. The angel wings cover my whole back with a heart in the middle of the wings. She loved the song 'See you on the other side" By Ozzy Osbourne. I remember her even letting me be a few minutes late to class so we could listen to it together on the way to school. I didnt want just rip, I love you, I wanted to make it more personal to me. I got the song title tattooed on a ribbon wrapped around the heart. I believe I will see her again on the other side of life. I can still feel her presence sometimes. Not a damn day goes by where I don't think about her. I also got a tattoo of a grim reaper with my parents dates on gravestones. I am going to turn it into a dark cemetery/death/memorial sleeve. On my left arm I want to get a tattoo of Marilyn Monroe as a zombie with the quote "imperfection is beauty". Im not sure how i am going to make this into a tattoo but I want the quote " Too weird to live, Too Rare to Die". I think that qoute fits me 100% 

Since my parents death I have a weird way at looking at things but it works for me and keeps me happy. At the same time though I am not afraid to be the weird me because I wouldnt be me without being weird! =D People say im weird but in a fun quirky way. Even after all the hell I went through for most of my life I try not to let it hold me down. It does get to me though sometimes and it doesnt get easier as the years go on ,you just learn how to cope and hide it better. I am naturally a fun happy positive person. I have never been on anti depressants or used drugs to deal with my parents death. I am a very strong person mentally and I think that is what I like most about me. I have created this bucket list because it is a great way to keep track of the awesome things you have done in your life and what you want to do. We don't know for sure if there is an afterlife but we do know that we have this life. Enjoy it and appreicate it and live it to the fullest! I feel like the death of my parents has made me more aware and smarter. At the same time in a fucked up way it made me happier as well. I don't fear going home everyday or see my moms bruised face anymore. I am not surrounded by violence and abuse anymore. I feel like I have been to hell and back and I am ready for what they world has in store for me next! When you've lost it all that is when you finally realize that life is beautiful! 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MJDDxHIaaVk 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-LMKuBSS23k 

My puppy Dio and Boyfriend Jason 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/8233264959/in/set-72157629680979456 

This is my favorite picture I took of my Little Kitten 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/7181837412/in/set-72157629680979456 

My brother Brennon 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/7387178764/in/set-72157629683375410 

Heaven Can wait 5K Breast cancer walk with my aunt/mom amy 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/7340472154/in/set-72157629683375410 

My memorials 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/7803146516/in/set-72157631803605430 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/7558427986/in/set-72157631803605430 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/8025994714/in/set-72157629683375410 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/8144481428/in/set-72157629683375410 

haha! 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/7492753698/in/set-72157629683375410 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/7512928316/in/set-72157629683375410 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/7741069498/in/set-72157629683375410 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/7935159784/in/set-72157629683375410 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/8102022813/in/set-72157629683375410 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/7155247905/in/set-72157629683375410 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/7155268577/in/set-72157629683375410 

I found a shoe tree for the first time in my life summer of 2012 so I made my aunt stop the car and I put my sandals in the tree! 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/7459220662/in/set-72157631803605430 

Silly boys trucks are for girls. My truck =) I love it! 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/8219845438/in/set-72157631803605430 

I have to share this picture because it is the image that made me realize I wanted to be a photographer. I went on a trip to Disneyland and I took this while we were moving on the Jungle Cruise ride. It is one of my favorite images I took! 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/7771611@N06/7607424036/in/set-72157630547468480 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments

CanyonWild on Dec 28, 2012

Afcurse I can't feel your pain, but I know that you just have to remember how strong you are and you will make it trough all the bad things. Remember the wonderful life, remember the good things and you'll find it is maybe not that bad after all. Maybe you don't care about a strangers word, but I do care about your story and I realy hope everything will turn out fine for you!

Daniel Griffin on Dec 28, 2012

It hurts and I know it. I've been the dumped and I've been the one left behind when all my friends moved on. I've experienced the pain of losing people precious to me, including a daughter.
Here's the thing and it's a promise based on years of first hand experience: it will get better. I know that can't seem true right now, because it never did when I was where you're at.
I want you to remember this: You are a person of rare and wonderful talent. I've seen the pictures you've posted, the ones you've taken and I've been struck by the beauty of the world that you've captured. You are also one of the rarest and most special types of person on the planet: an original who's not afraid to be who they are. You were the first person to make me feel welcome to this online community.
Please, tell your story. I think you'll find the audience larger and more attentive than you can imagine. In the meantime, know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.

GuttersnipeRebecca on Dec 28, 2012

^^^^I don't think it could of been said better. Thank you Daniel, for saying what couldn't be put into words so easily.
Zombie girl you're not just one of the passer buyers on this list, for certain at least three of us seek you out every day to see what crazy stuff for you come up with and yes you've painted a world for us and we're all very interested to see what you come up with from day today. You're 22ish I remember when I was 22 it sucked my hisband was going though cancer going though marriage problems to boot. But now life has gotten better a lot better sometimes you just got a let out the dark and let the light come in.

GuttersnipeRebecca on Dec 28, 2012

* Correction
YOUR NOT! Just one of the passer buyers home this list

ZombieGirl on Dec 28, 2012

Thank you guys so much for the encouraging words! I feel more loved and supported from the ppl of bucketlist than I do my own friends! =D You guys are awesome!

GuttersnipeRebecca on Dec 28, 2012

Wow!!!! That's a lot to go through!!!! Surprised you memorialized your dad with a tattoo, but I get it your dad is your dad whatever the case my be. In the end you blazed your own trail and made it through with out drugs and what not good for you!! As far as the insane religious people I know I have met them all I grew up in the church as a pastors kid so I know they can be psychos. Some of the worst people I've ever met in my life were Christians. I did everything to distance my self, so much so people literally didn't believe that my dad could be a pastor lol. But all in all I believe in God I just can't stand his people.
You will make a great photographer (as you already are) keep bucket listing there is so much out there to do an experience. An above all make you dream come true Zombie Girl

Jemma Bradaigh on Dec 28, 2012

Just read your story and I think you are incredible. You have been through hell and emerged with such a positive outlook on life. Some people become damaged or go through life being a victim. Your past has made you stronger. You are really making the most of your life. I wish you a long, happy and fulfilled life x

Melanie Leland on Dec 28, 2012

You are amazing to have been through everything and become the positive person you are now! Stay strong :)

ZombieGirl on Dec 28, 2012

Guttersnipe- I wasn't going to get anything for my dad but since he was my dad I decided to at least get his date of passing. I didn't attend his funeral though and I don't feel bad about that! Surprisingly to, some of the meanest people I have met were Christian. The extreme self righteous ones are the ones to look out for! haha Thanks everyone for taking the time to read it! This is an awesome site with good supportive people! Rock on my fellow bucket listers!

roya b on Dec 29, 2012

So much openness, that's just admirable. be proud of yourself girl.

CanyonWild on Dec 29, 2012

ZombieGirl, you're an idol to many people! :)

rudzielec on Dec 29, 2012

Exactly. I hope that telling this story helped you to get it off your chest, at least a bit. Keep up the good work with your bucketlist and with noticing what's good in this life. Greetings and fingers crossed from me and my girlfriend, all the way from Poland ;). You're amazing!

Daniel Griffin on Dec 31, 2012

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am in awe.
I'm so sorry for everything you've had to endure and I'm so grateful for a chance to get to know somebody who has gone through it all and come out stronger. Lots of people would have given up. You kept going and that says alot about your character and all of it good.
You continue to inspire, amaze, encourage, and sometimes amuse with your goals, comments, and pictures. I feel blessed to have an opportunity to get to know you.
I'm really, really sorry for those people who dared to portray themselves and the things they did to you as being part and parcel of being "Christian." I’m sorry for those who were cruel to you in the name of their religion. I’m sorry for those who betrayed your trust and claimed to be doing it for God. People who act that way ARE NOT being what a Christian is supposed to be. They are not doing what a Christian is supposed to do. I promise you that they are not following any command that the God they claim to worship ever gave them. Nothing any of them did followed either of the two commands a Christian SHOULD live by: 1. Love God with all your heart; and 2. love others as you love yourself. I am so sorry for the horrible example they set and for what you've had to endure at the hands of others who've labeled themselves Christian. We're not all like that, but a lot of us have a whole lot of maturing to do and a whole lot of us have a really hard time with anything that forces us out of our comfort zones, just like most people. When confronted with something that does pop our bubble, some will try to hide behind doctrine and dogmata, behind self-righteousness and being judgmental. A lot of people who wear the label “Christian” don’t realize that it’s more than just a choice on their Facebook profile. They don’t know that it’s a goal, a challenge, a lifestyle. They don’t understand that when he walked the Earth as a human, Jesus spent nearly all his time among the fringes of society. Among the different. The poor. The sick and diseased. The sinners. He never turned anyone away and he never once said that anybody wasn’t worthy. He helped everyone that he could, gave everything that he could, and loved selflessly and repeatedly told everyone that followed him to do the same. I’m so sorry that nobody has ever tried to be an example of this in your life.

ZombieGirl on Jan 14, 2014

Thanks =D

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