Cut Off A Bad Relationship

Jules ...'s avatar image
Jules ...'s Goal

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 This has probably been one of the hardest things that I have done in my life but it needs to be done even if it involves my own sister.

 First of all a bit of an insight is that my sister and I were adopted when we were under the age of four with another sibling. Unfortunately within that family the relationships were strained, things all around were bad and they have affected how we now interact with everything.

 At the same time our youngest sister passed away in Mar 2009, our adoptive dad passed away in Mar 2013 and our adoptive mom passed away this year in Feb. The rest of our family is a hot mess that has basically almost nothing to do with us except my adoptive paternal grandpa so yeah we basically only have each other at this point.

 She moved to town before I did and then I moved back into the same town as her Oct 2015. We have had a bunch of drama between each side since then that I won't go into but our relationship seems be pretty competitive and toxic most times while we have been getting used my husband and I.

 Some of the major points of contention is statements made about my husband when I was dating him, the lack of a chance to really get to know my nieces without supervision even though they are only 15 mins away but school appointed strangers that are male are given a chance alone, her refusal to come to our wedding even when we offered a ride since it was in a church, having a brother-in-law who doesn't even know my name or that I am married and now this in which my hubbie wanted to help my youngest niece to complete one of her bucketlist goals for her birthday since we wouldn't pay for her parents to be there as well.

 Another thing that has influenced my decision to enforce this severance at this point is my husband and his family. I have the greatest hubbie for me in the world and he is pure amazing. We went to my mom's funeral, which meant he missed out on a game he was wanting to go to. The awkwardness and isolation were like hearing crickets chirp in a quiet room.

Unfortunately he lost his grandpa in May while the funeral was the complete opposite as family was all around. There was warmth, the talking, the loudness and the nearness as a close family rejoined even as they mourned the loss of one of their own. This was what I had married into without knowing much of but when I compare the two family lives this is what I want in my own world.

 I have the choice of severing my sister and leaving her to the dark path she chose even if it means I suffer guilt for not being able to help my youngest niece get away as well. But at this point I need the intimate family, I crave the warm relationships surrounding me and a peace of mind where I can interact with others without having to walk on egg shells and have them know who I am even if I am the oddball of the bunch. And it is this desperate need to belong to a loving world that helps me in using the shears to remove the toxin finally out of my life.

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