I've been wanting to go to an official ayahuasca ceremony down in the Amazon. I haven't gotten around to doing that yet but I got a chance to do it up here. There is a group with the Pachamama Natives that held the ceremony not far from Austin, TX so I jumped at the chance. I heard about it a week and a half before the day of the ceremony and I agreed to go on short notice. I didn't have the time to do the true detox/diet but coincidentally I follow the Paleo diet due to contain my psoriasis that is already pretty close so I just fasted for a couple days. I almost backed out but I kept getting signs and people telling me this was something I had to experience.
They were right. The experience was amazing. My mind was in a place where I would accept any vision that came to me. I didn't end up purging because I was told unless I absolutely had to not to throw up because it will allow the medicine to do more work. I felt the most intense love I have felt in years. Like the kind of love I thought I lost so long ago. Weeks earlier I was researching ways to reconnect with my heart. I was hurt very badly in 2012 and since then I haven't allowed myself to fully feel love but this experience gave me that.
I thought of first my family, then my friends, people I've met along the way. It was like I could access memories and feelings from the past that I had forgotten. I was reminded of how loved I am and that it drives me. I also felt love for myself for the first time where it felt like it was real/true/honest. Before I would look in the mirror and say "I love you" to my reflection and I felt this pain. It felt like a lie.
I loved being able to reflect and share my experiences with others in the group as well. People gave such wonderful insights on life that it made me realize we all deal with similar problems and in that way I felt very connected to everything. I also felt energy in the room. I would describe it like threads in front of me connecting to everything that I could tap into and follow a thread to find out how someone else was doing.